….

Lately I’ve been waking up wondering why I’m still here?.. Do I want to keep going?.. Who would care when I’m gone? I don’t know why. I can’t figure it out. I’ve just been in this depressed mode but nobody can tell because I keep a smile on my face. But. My world is upside down. My family has been slowly slipping away for the past couple years.. My relationship is man I don’t know. There’s things that he has done to completely push me away which brought on things that have happened in the past. It’s like when you have continuously been hurt in the past.. You start to just expect that it’s gonna happen. But I shouldn’t expect it.. Not with him.I know why he pushed me away && he’s been working hard to fix it… I just can’t help it. There’s just soooo much that contribute to these feelings. I can’t trust people.. At all. I try to trust the people that I’m supposed to trust but.. Once again the past got me tripping on the future. With my insecurity && trust issues I feel like I’m not fit to be in a relationship. Maybe not even fit to communicate with people period.. Who knows. I don’t know what to do.. Don’t know who to talk to.. I just.. Dont know anything at the moment. Smh this is what happens when I’m not smoking… I think to got damn much :(